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Dream like you'll like forever... [entries|friends|calendar]
Pyrodelia Means-Fire Handling~Sex God

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"is there anyone out there?" [08 Jan 2011|01:21am]
[ mood | curious ]

"Can anybody hear me?" -Titanic~~~>But seriously?

Speak Your Mind

hmph... [07 Sep 2007|03:52pm]
people are nasty. i dont write this jusy because of the words exchanged between vinny and i in our last conversation but people just in general. i was a lover of people when i was first alive. i didn't care if i knew no one else on the playground. "wanna be me friend?" worked every time. then some where along the way people weren't the same. mindless creul little fuckers without a cause or a name. it's even better the closer you are to people. the worse it gets. the words are colder and without regret. i dont get it i really don't.
Speak Your Mind

What Do You Have To Say? - Writing: Makes Me A Better Writer [07 Sep 2007|03:41pm]
life. i write and think about life everyday. mostly the bad. it helps me get over it and make sense of it when i write about it. when i write about stuff that makes me angry and upset, i usally write with more passion and it makes it more art then anything else.
Speak Your Mind

ohhh.... [14 Nov 2006|10:37am]
[ mood | amused ]

it's fun being cute in a disgusting kind of way....

[1] Secrets Heard | Speak Your Mind

things seem really balanced... [14 Nov 2006|10:32am]
[ mood | accomplished ]

i'm really really happy right now...


school is going to be getting out soon and things are amazing out of school...


even things i'm not sure about don't seem so bad right now b/c things seem so amazing...


thank you~oh thank you universe. the scales seem to be rebalancing.

Speak Your Mind

soo....for the first time in my life... [07 Nov 2006|10:26am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

I said i'd wait...

what kind of person does that make me.

Speak Your Mind

ohhh godness [03 Nov 2006|11:13am]
[ mood | crazy ]

things are starting to change already and i feel very unstable.

i have 6 weeeks left of high school...
8 weeks till i started college...
turn 18 in 14 weeks...
i'll be finished my first semester of college in 16 week...and then...
get my dipolma in 19 weeks.

wtf? when did thing start to move without me knowing it.

and then....damn....things will continue to change...

Speak Your Mind

interesting [27 Sep 2006|09:53am]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

so i never thought of myself as someone who would even think of being in a band...

[2] Secrets Heard | Speak Your Mind

to whom it may concern [18 Sep 2006|07:33am]
I wasn't going to say anything.

But i'm still hurt and angry about the reaction you caused. You say that you're moving on and that you're truly happy with your new life...(that is pretty much the same one you were living without high school or as many friends to believe your pathological bullshit)-but we'll keep that between us.

My point being that if your moving on and feel that you've become a better person you wouldn't feel that need of hurting and stabbing everyone in your past (that you don't care about-Right?) behind the back. If that new load of bullshit was true you would have kept all that your self but again you proved to everyone your true side. The truth is that you ar the only one to stab anyone in the back. You could never keep you word about anything and when everyone realized this; it left you all alone.

You are a coward,always have been and you know it. You couldn't speak your mind until you convinced yourself that you didn't need anyone. I put up with your shit for the love of a friend, but know this Trevor, i feel no need to tell you that you'll fuck up your life beyond repair b/c i truly believe in my heart you already know that. But then again i know how hard it is to face the truth.

Keep running from things that scare you trevor. Have a nice life.
[1] Secrets Heard | Speak Your Mind

Grr... [08 Sep 2006|09:28am]
i hate high school. I just do. i can't stand people in general, so putting me in an place where i'm stuck with 1,500 fucking idiots, while i can't smoke, is insane!


i can't decide if it's the immature, all i care about is my boy/girlfriend, lets bitch about who talked shit behind whos back, students. Or if it's the washed up burnt out teachers.

Jesus Christ. WTF?
[2] Secrets Heard | Speak Your Mind

Things are going to be changing soon [26 Feb 2006|06:58pm]
I wonder....
[1] Secrets Heard | Speak Your Mind

HeHe... [25 Feb 2006|12:27am]
[ mood | excited ]

Yay! I have a crush......

[2] Secrets Heard | Speak Your Mind

WTF!!!!! [23 Feb 2006|10:21pm]
[ mood | angry ]

NEONAZIS  this is 2006. what the hell? IN Orlando?
That is fucking ridiculous. A fucking neoNazis march in mother fucking orlando. They should just drop dead in the street from natural causes.

I get the whole thing behind "Learning Hate" now.

I hope the poor people in that neighborhood go with the whole nonviolence thing and don't fall to their level.

Speak Your Mind

[20 Feb 2006|09:59am]
[ mood | exhausted ]

Hurt, Confused, angry, used, bitter, abused, lost and unamused.

I really dont feel whole right now and that sucks.

Speak Your Mind

[16 Feb 2006|11:14am]
[ mood | confused ]

SO i think some cosmic fucked up moon rock hit the earth and changed everything while we were sleeping....


Am i the only one to notice that everyone seems to be having really shitty days or doing things that just dont make any freaking sense?


I dont know.......

Speak Your Mind

So on top of everything... [13 Feb 2006|09:16pm]
[ mood | confused ]

I may or may not have a crush on someone....

Not in the mood to mess with it though.

Besides that everything pretty much is the same.

woot?

[2] Secrets Heard | Speak Your Mind

OKay..... [12 Feb 2006|11:00pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

Well let's start off with this. I felt like royal shit today b/c someone got pissy with me and hung up on me. Then because I was so fucking angry that this person wouldn't pick up the phone that I called this persons boy/girlfriend to tell them something i'd never said to them before. I've been told and called some shitty things over the past couple of months. Even by this person. But I NEVER EVER said anything like that to them. The even better part of that is that I used only 2 words.

I was angry, then i wasn't angry, then i was again, then i wasn't again.
Well now i'm fucking pissed off.

I never asked you to change or do anything you didn't want to do. I've listened to everything you had to tell me and even if i didn't agree with it I tried to undarstand. And i sure as hell never looked down on you for anything. That used to be the same on both sides. It's not anymore.

You said it yourself. The things I do are below you.

I don't go party every weekend and do stupid shit like rob stores or go push to kids. I drink at the most once every 2 months. I'm not doing pills or sleeping around. but this isn't going to work if you look down on me for that.

You hurt me a lot and i'm tired of it. The feeling like my "best friend" looks down on me really makes me feel like complete and total shit but that's cool.

If you called me and told me you needed me to come get up at 3 in the morning 2 hours away i'd jump in my mom's car in a heart beat. I still love you to death but I can't tell someone everything and enjoy them as i once did if they think i'm just a waste of life afterwards.
So that's all I have.

This sick feeling that i have had for a while now that i was losing this game among all the others, has become more of a sick feeling that i just lost.

Speak Your Mind

Holy captain... [12 Feb 2006|09:30am]
[ mood | i really dont know ]

damn. yesterday was a really bad day. But I was in a good mood the whole day for some reason. worl blew but whatever its work. But what really made it a bad day is that all of my friends were sad.

Anywho. got a little drunk last night. i was having so much fun untill Adri...went plowing through the sliding glass door. That was scary.

Speak Your Mind

I'm excited!....I'm excited....i'm excited [11 Feb 2006|09:02am]
[ mood | excited ]

I can't wait to get off work tonight. I hope it's going to be a goodnight.
Today i have to work from 12-8. So once that's over it's time to relax and have fun and crash at roselyn's when i am unable to walk anymore.

Speak Your Mind

Okay that's when you know things are weird about you... [07 Feb 2006|10:59pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

I figured out today how strange I am.

i never cried one tear over the boy i lost my virginity to when i found out he cheated on me.....

but i very much so balled my eyes out when I found out my car may not be coming home.

Speak Your Mind

[05 Feb 2006|10:24pm]
[ mood | good ]

Okay so my weekend kinda sucked.
Mostly b/c my Pandora is like near death.
She's in a parking lot across town waiting for a doctor.

But there were lots of good parts.

like me getting to hang out with old friends.
dying kayla and her dad's hair
winning 30 dollars in a pool at work (even though i have to give it away)
hanging out with people during my break today.
fighting the guys at work about how to position the make-shift antenna
and getting my head straight about some things.

There was lots of good.

I made a promise to myself today that i pretty much renew to myself every few years or months or whatever. And i think i'm going to take a step back for a little while. So don't be scared when you see some older outfits and ideas coming back into my life. lol

Speak Your Mind

And it starts to fall up... [03 Feb 2006|11:35pm]
[ mood | okay ]

I lost it again. My energy went bye~bye.

I tried to tell you about it. The line was busy.

You make me sad. But that's cool.

I'm just tired. And confused about a lot.

You're busy. That's cool too.

I wish you stop mocking my job and who i hang out with though.

Cause I'm tired of it.

B/c trust me i try hard to hang out with you.

Anyway. I feel in a puddle today at school. I soaked my jeans and my elbows. I guess it would have been funny to watch. I went home after that.

Then i was driving home tonight and a car ran a red light and the car in front of me hit his breaks and i did a freaking 180 to avoid it. I've never been so scared in my life. My mommy gave me a hug when i got home.
Pandora is fine.

~nicole

[5] Secrets Heard | Speak Your Mind

more ramblings... [14 Jan 2006|01:00am]
[ mood | restless ]

i was going to give all this metaphoric ramble crap about how much it sucks when someone leaves you before you have the chance to leave them, even if either of you doesn't want too. But in the plain and simple truth, i miss how things were before Jarrod moved. It really really hurts. Still. it was exactly 1 year ago today that he told me he was leaving. My diary says it all.

what a joke.

[1] Secrets Heard | Speak Your Mind

So...what's going on?`` [09 Jan 2006|07:26pm]
[ mood | optimistic ]

Hello~hello...

So I came up with another one of my conclusions...

Most people know the answers to their questions in life. It's just a matter if they are willing to except what the answer is or not. We all know right from wrong. But sometimes it seems impossible or lame to go a long with it.

Well i'm lame i guess cause i'm going to make the right one this time.

Speak Your Mind

Bye BYe! [26 Dec 2005|06:21pm]
[ mood | ready for bed ]

Well I'm off to New York.

I'm sure I'll be back and my lips will still be blue!

I love you guys~!

Speak Your Mind

[25 Dec 2005|06:09pm]
[ mood | happy ]

ohh i look hott in my new shirt

and in my new night gowns...

i had a good chirtmas...

Speak Your Mind

fucking grr [10 Dec 2005|10:00pm]
[ mood | angry ]

I'm so lost and so confused.

It bothers me the things I think about lately.

I dont know who I am any more. What I want to be. Or how i'm going to be until I get there.

I want to just shut everyone out and just sit inside my head and trust only me.

But there's still a huge part of my me that says I can't give up on people or myself.

Seriously doing drugs and snorting pills was so much less complicated.

What do I want?!

[2] Secrets Heard | Speak Your Mind

Haha. [02 Dec 2005|08:51am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Mrs. Barns decided to pick my brain bright and early this morning.

She wanted to know how i felt I could trust people and life at that exact moment.

I smiled and asked if that was a joke.

[1] Secrets Heard | Speak Your Mind

I believe it [09 Nov 2005|05:13am]
[ mood | pretty ]

Your Birthdate: April 9

You are a born idealist, with more pet causes than you can count.
You prefer be around others, both when working and while relaxing.
Generous and giving, you believe you can change the world one person at a time.
You're open minded and tolerant. People feel like they can tell you anything.

Your strength: Your go-with-the-flow flexibility

Your weakness: Your flair for the over dramatic

Your power color: Pine green

Your power symbol: Circle

Your power month: September
Speak Your Mind

Words of James Dean... [04 Nov 2005|07:52am]
~Dream like your going to live forever and live like your going to die tomorrow...
[1] Secrets Heard | Speak Your Mind

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